If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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