But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
