I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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