when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
