we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
