"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
