so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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