I cannot find my penis.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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