I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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