I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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