you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
