you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
