im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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