Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
