Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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