I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
