Will you blow on my dice?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
