Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
