please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
