what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper