I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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