I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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