Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
