apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
