I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
