i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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