woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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