I puked a lego.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
