Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
