I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
