if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
