you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
