Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
