my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
