a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
