You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
