there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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