and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
