If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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