bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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