why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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