as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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