I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my fart just growled at me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
