gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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