YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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