Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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