Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize