My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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