At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
