I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He shit in the fireplace
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
