I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
