im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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