I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
