Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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