You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
