why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
