She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
