nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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