We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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