Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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