i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
