So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
