it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
