I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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