Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
