Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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