So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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