Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
