how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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