Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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