After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
