Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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